Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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