those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
