Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
