You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
