i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
