Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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