I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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