i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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