I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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