Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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