remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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