Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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