The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
