You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
