zippers are such a cool invention
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
