it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
