maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
