I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
