why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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