i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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