the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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