U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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