she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
