I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
