Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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