Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we're making bets on your personal life
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
