i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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