You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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