i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
