I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
