is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Jerry, you need to find god
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
