i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Randomize
