I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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