the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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