I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
