Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
They are going to name an STD after you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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