I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
