Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
