I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I enjoy the company of your penis
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