In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
