she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
