We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
