I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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