You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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