You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
