Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
