I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
