what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
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Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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