My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
