it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Are my feet made of real feet?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
