I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize