Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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