That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Bring me that man meat
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
