the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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