this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
