Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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