it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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