forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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