I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize