She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
